funny jokes part 5

1

Guest at a restaurant: “I refuse to eat this roastbeef. Please call the manager! “

Waiter: “That’s no use. He won’t eat it either.”



2

I thought I’d tell you a good time travel joke – but you didn't like it.


3

So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we’re having a baby. For instance my name, address and telephone number!


4

I heard a report about a bad outbreak of the tummy bug, apparently 9 out of 10 people there suffered from diarrhea. I can’t stop thinking about that tenth person who apparently enjoyed it.


5

“You are so kind, funny and beautiful.”

“Oh come on. You just want to get me to bed.”

“And smart, too!”



6

Q: What do politicians and diapers have in common?
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A: Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.


7

I’m selling my talking parrot. Why? Because yesterday, the bastard tried to sell me.


8

Do you know why women aren’t allowed in space?
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To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!"
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"What is the problem?"
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"Yeah, great, pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about!"


9

A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!"

The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"